I always say that I want to believe that everything is happening FOR me, and I mean it. I want to believe that, because it feels so much more empowering then the alternative. But to want to believe it and to actually truly believe it, embody it & live it is a whole other story.
I have been encountering a series of undesirable events in my life just recently that have felt incredibly challenging, disempowering and so shitty, if I am being honest. I have spent the past few days alternating between feeling sad, enraged, angry, flustered, and even grief, as I try to make sense of it all. I am grappled in my mind with trying to understand how this all could be FOR me, and yet nothing made any sense.
Yesterday something shifted. I had a chat with my bestie, and even she said "wow I am trying to come up with a reason this could be FOR you and I can't yet." Shortly after my call I hopped on my bike and cruised to the beach to clear my head, and it was like this ah-hah lightbulb moment just hit me all at once and it all become clear as a sunny day....
To believe that it is all FOR me is to simply TRUST. It is NOT to figure it all out or try so hard to understand the why... It is simply to trust, to know in every cell in my body that whether or not it makes sense it is still FOR me. Now HOW will I respond? I can still be human - I can still feel the fear, the sadness and anger - I can feel it fully and let it all pass through me and then say, "ok now what?" Because the reality is - it all happened whether I understand it or not and If I am going to trust it is for me - do I need to know why? OR do I just need to figure out now what?
This was my epiphany, and I felt instant ease, instant acceptance of what is. I have been spending days banging my head against the wall resisting what was, trying to make it make sense by understanding how it was for me so I could justify it, rather than just accept what is. In that moment when I suddenly just realized that it wasn't about understanding how but just accepting it was instant relief and peace. Maybe someday it will all make sense and maybe it won't. I can't control everything - but what I can control is how I respond to everything. Will I let myself fully feel the full spectrum of emotions? Will I grow? Will I expand? Will I choose the response I have? Will I allow what is be and not force, push, or try so hard? It was as if in an instant I just heard the Universe (God) say, "can you just trust?" and honestly maybe that is the entirety of it - maybe it is an opportunity to finally just fully surrender and trust even when nothing makes sense in my tiny mind.
Peter Crone always says something like what happened is exactly what was meant to happen because it is what happened. Preston Smiles says the same thing. Whatever happened was perfect because it was.
I went to sleep in peace. I woke up and interestingly I was listening to video on abundance with Preston Smiles and I heard him say " Everything in life is happening THROUGH us". Let that land. Now the wheels are spinning. Is it FOR me? Or is it happening THROUGH me? Are these two questions even either-or, or could they be one and the same. IF it is through me, isn't it still for me? IF it is for me, is it still through me? Either way, it's not TO me.
What are your thoughts? Does to me, for me or through me carry different vibrational energies when you speak them out loud or feel them in your body? How do you move through the more challenging times in your life that feel bleak and dark and scary? How do you stand in your power even when there is pain?
I would love to hear your thoughts! :) <3
#chooselove 💕
